The first article in our Modern Love series by contributor [and our very own Indoor Boy] Frank Morgan, “Manning Up,” presents a refreshing approach to making an impression/making a move/making yourself a fool for love. – Anita
I’ve been asked by multiple people what guys look for in women (no idea why, I guess I have one of those faces). This is usually at a social gathering, and the question is always was some variation of, “Bob/Bill/Ted is so gorgeous/funny/bearded, I wish he’d ask me out/do something romantic/get stoned and watch cartoons with me. Hey Frank, you’re a guy, what should I do?” Now I can’t speak for every guy out there, but I tend to think like the guys of a more… indoor persuasion. Here’s what I usually say.
Never be afraid to make the first move. We live in an age of supposed equality. Why hasn’t that spread to dating? I find it extremely sexy when a woman lets me know what she wants, especially when that happens to be me. Case in point, in college a girl I’d never seen before came up and asked me what I thought of a joke. I listened, laughed and she had me. I didn’t even know her name. I won’t tell you the joke (mostly because it involved pirates and skull fucking), but by making the first move, she showed me a) that she was interested and b) she had the self-possession to act on it. It being a good joke, I knew we shared a similar, twisted sense of humor. Humor being my biggest weakness, I was putty in her hands.
Don’t be afraid of hearing no. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention possibility of failure. I’m not attracted to every woman in the world, even if they make the first move. If a girl comes up to me and we don’t click, I’ll get a cup of coffee and do my best to let her down gently. Not because I’m all that nice (or that I want you to think I am), but because I don’t think people should be punished for finding me attractive. If I remove all people interested in me from my dating pool, I’m swimming alone. So what about the worst case scenario? What happens when you work up the courage to ask the guy and he turns out to be an asshole? Brush it off. It could be worse; you could’ve actually dated him.
So should you make the first move? That depends. Do you look for the frat boy jock type? The loud, perma-tanned, gel-smeared alpha male? If so, you won’t need to do anything other than spackle on some mascara and drink too much. Are you interested in the smarter, quiet guys? The guys who don’t get out that often? They might take a little more work. You might be forced to do something you’re not used to, like engage them in conversation, or even get to know them. You might have to (gasp) walk across the Starbucks and introduce yourself. Don’t be bossy, be honest. If you think he’s cute, tell him. If you want to get dinner, tell him. If he’s anything like me, it’ll make his day. Who knows? It might even make yours.